Friday, January 27, 2012

“If someone bows to you, return the gesture, making your own slightly deeper and longer, just in case.” This advice comes from Nancy McDonough, who for many years was an English teacher in Japan. Bowing to another person remains an intricate part of Japanese culture, while westerners most often greet each other with a handshake. A bow communicates more than most handshakes do, and at its best becomes an act of humility.
            The Japanese bow expresses many things: respect, gratitude, remorse, sincerity, “Excuse me,” an apology, goodbye, or deference to status. “In general, the longer and deeper the bow, the more emotion or the greater the difference in social standing between the two parties,” says McDonough. Men bow with their hands flat against their sides, while women bow with their hands flat on the front of their thighs or crossed and flat. The back is held straight and eyes downcast.
            The angles of bowing range from a shallow fifteen degrees to a full forty-five degree angle, with the deeper and lengthy bows reserved for dignitaries. A person making a telephone call might even bow even though the other party can’t see them. Passersby may see an automobile driver acknowledge another driver’s courtesy with a slight bow. Friends greet each other with a quick bow. The bow also remains a part of the martial arts as a sign of respect. McDonough’s final advice to those who plan to travel to Japan, “Don't worry about doing it right -- just be sure to do it,” and she further said, the Japanese easily forgive a faux pas from a non-Japanese.
            I’m not planning a trip to Japan, but I am especially interested in the custom of bowing, dating back thousands of years. Because of this column’s emphasis on humility in 2012, a detail in Jacob’s return to his homeland leapt off the page and caught my attention. In the Old Testament, you recall how Jacob deceived his twin brother, Esau. Esau despised his birthright when he was famished, and Jacob greedily traded a bowl of soup for right of firstborn. Later, on another occasion, Jacob agreed with his mother’s plan and went to his aging and blind father disguised as Esau, so he could lay claim to the blessing of firstborn.
            When Esau found out about the deception, he grew angry and plotted to kill his brother. Rebekah, their mother, sent Jacob away to her family before murder became another family sin. While living and working with his mother’s relatives over twenty years, Jacob gained two wives, two concubines, twelve sons, and flocks, cattle, camels, and donkeys. Finally, he planned to return to his homeland.
            He sent a messenger ahead to alert Esau of his arrival. The messenger returned saying Esau was coming to meet him with four hundred men. Jacob, “in great fear and distress” (Genesis 32:7), arranged his family in two groups, if one was attacked, at least one group might escape. That evening, he sent ahead a lavish gift of flocks, herds, camels, and donkeys.
            Jacob spent a restless night and time in prayer, during which his hip socket wrenched. The next morning, Jacob organized the four mothers of his children into family groups. Please picture the next scene in your mind: Jacob went ahead of his family, and as he approached Esau, Jacob bows to the ground seven times, in pain, he advances and bows on the ground and toward his brother. Seven times his knees hit the ground in humility.
            John T. Willis makes these observations about the humility and exchanges in the two more mature men: Jacob bowed seven times, called himself Esau’s servant twice, called Esau “lord” four times, sent an extravagant gift, insisted that Esau keep the gift, and said, “to see your face is like seeing the face of God” (33:10).
            Willis says about Esau: he brought four hundred men to provide Jacob with travel assistance and protection; he ran to meet Jacob, embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him. He offered to give back the gift; he addressed Jacob as ‘my brother,” and he finally accepted Jacob’s gift which in the day’s custom amounted to a pact of friendship.
            God’s timing, testing, and fine-tuning over twenty years caused these twin brothers to embrace the roles God planned for each of them. Through their stories, we see the continuing development of humility. May God grant the same growth to us.
            Hunger for Humility (4): “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6).
            Cathy Messecar welcomes comments or story suggestions at writecat@consolidated.net

1 comment:

  1. There is a lot to be learned from the Japanese culture about respect especially when it has to do with family. I've seen it reflected in my Japanese daughter-in-law. Unfortunately much of our Western culture has infiltrated theirs and I'm not sure where the younger generation will go with that. Still tradition is strong. Nice analogy, Cathy, and a good reminder.

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