The Tree Trunk Marriage Counselor

Book Drawing: Leave a comment here or email me at writecat@consolidated.net and I’ll enter your name for the June book drawing to win a copy of The Stained Glass Pickup.


If laundry is taken down to a certain basement, watch your step. Be especially careful because a very large log is in the bowels of this house. This tree trunk, well it’s a marriage counselor.

When visiting a long time friend in Massachusetts, he gave us a tour of Cape Ann. As we drove past landscapes, seascapes and landmarks, our host Chris Larsen, told us tidbits of information about locales and locals.

As we passed one home, Chris said his grandmother and step-grandfather had lived there. Then Chris told us about the earlier marriage advice his granddad gave him. He invited Chris into the basement, and on the way said, “Always let the wife win.”

In the basement, to Chris’ surprise, sat a heavy log with spikes protruding. His granddad said whenever he felt marriage related frustrations, he retreated to pound a heavy-duty piece of metal into the log. “By the time you’re finished hammering in the spike your frustration is gone.”

It doesn’t take too long after wedding vows before irritants surface. For married couples who draw battle lines, things as small as a muddied kitchen floor or an over budget purchase can cause words and worse to be hurled.

A wise wife knows words can wound like arrows, and that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). An astute man teaches his family forgiveness—he leads in charity.

When both parties yield to God’s love, it doesn’t matter if the couple met in Kindergarten or through a marriage broker. God’s lived-out love always trumps backgrounds and personalities. One man said he’d just like to go to sleep and let God create a wife for him. Yep, he knew it would cost him a rib.

With nearly 41 marriage years under the same roof, I recommend two loving habits to those who long to strengthen marriages: respect and common courtesies. Respect the contributions that each person brings to the relationship. No spousal belittling allowed in private, in public or behind backs.

Also, work common courtesies into every day: Thank you. You’re welcome. May I get you anything? Sure, I’ll scratch your back.

All problems have solutions, as a novice husband learned when he asked his new bride, “Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my small income?"

"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she said. "But what will you live on?"

Maybe a trip to the hardware store is a good idea. Pick up the large bag of spikes.

Stamp Out Starter Marriages

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. ~ Genesis 29:20


We attended two weddings in June. One of those couples, Amy and Morgan Hughes, have four living sets of grandparents, all past their 50th wedding anniversaries, one couple at 60 years.

The grandparents’ names and years of marriage were listed in the wedding programs. As grandparents exited the ceremony, a country song “Long Line of Love” played. Arm in arm, the mature couples strolled out to the words, “My granddad’s still in love with my grandma.”

At Jean and Jamie’s wedding, their parents and guests pledged to assist him and her achieve their vows. The promises of help from wedding guests placed a catalog of mellow marriages, of know-how in the hands of the newlyweds.

A Conroe, TX couple, Kay and Bart Massey, met January 1956 on a blind date. Kay, a freshman at Texas Tech, and Bart, just out of the Army had one year of eligibility on his football scholarship. The blind date took, and they married November 17, 1957.

Bart retired as executive principal at Conroe High School, and then spent five years part time in building operations at central office. Kay retired as area superintendent at Aldine ISD. Last fall, their 50th anniversary finally arrived, but it didn’t bring about the usual fête.

Bart, otherwise in good health, needed hip replacement. The best surgery date encompassed their anniversary. Then, Kay needed emergency surgery.

They spent November 17th in hospital beds in different facilities. That day they celebrated by phone, and after healing, they cruised with four other couples having “fun the whole time.”

Starter homes I’ve heard of, but who dreamed up “starter marriages”? The descriptive is sad commentary on the high divorce rate among newly married couples.

To help wipe out “starter marriages,” here’s sage advice. One couple observes each marriage anniversary with a “growing” ceremony by planting a tree on their farm, a grove nearing 40.

Bailey McBride, married 51 years, says we grow and change. Husband and wife will need “commitment to understanding the heart and mind of the other.”

Kay Massey says “Keep God first in your life, love and respect each other, have patience, keep a positive attitude and a good sense of humor.” Our “humorous times began on our blind date and have continued.”

If you spot the Masseys, watch for the glow. A final word of advice for marriages from Bart:

“Be nice, and don’t hit.”

Visit Cathy at www.cathymessecar.com