Saying Goodbye to Newspaper Readers

As the end of 2012 nears, I close by sharing Jeremy Taylor’s (1613-1667) nineteenth tip for humble living. I am also saying goodbye to all dear readers of this column. First, let’s consider Taylor’s final guideline for seeking humility.
            Taylor says, “Humility teaches us to submit ourselves and all our faculties to God.” He asks followers to recall the previous eighteen rules for humble living, and he encourages seekers of humility to adore God, submit to superiors “in all things, according to godliness, and to be meek and gentle in conversations toward others.”
            Because I’ve written fifty-two columns on humble living, I now have more knowledge about humility. Attaining humility is difficult, so God and I continue to move my stubborn will into better habits of humble living. The thing that most stood out in my study this year was author Randy Harris’ suggestion that whenever we walk into any rooms to consider ourselves the least in the room. Then to ask a mental question, “Who may I serve?” That’s powerful.
           Two special scriptures about humility took up residence in my heart. They contain both directives and a promise from our gracious Father: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3), and “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (James 4:10). I know without doubt that as we honor God and others, God meets our needs.
            This will be my last column. After eleven years plus a few months, I find that the time has come to close out this phase of writing. Several family needs brought me to this decision, as well as offers to write for other venues. I can’t do it all. Even though I would love to write day and night, home duties call, and my dishes have not learned to wash themselves.
            First, thank you to “The Courier,” to Jim Fredricks, Andy Dubois, Bob Borders, Nancy Flake, Mike Jones, and Sondra Hernandez, who have guided, edited, and headlined. Some of you are no longer with “The Courier,” sort of ghosts of columns past. However, each of you shined your skills on my writing making it better. Any grammar mistakes were mine. I seem to be the queen of split infinitives. I’m indebted to Jim Fredricks for taking a chance on a very green writer in the summer of 2001 when I phoned and asked if I could write a column. I especially thank “Houston Community Newspapers” affiliate editors for publishing some of the columns.  
            Thank you, readers. Many of you have let me know through phone calls, emails, or in person when a certain column encouraged you at just the right moment. You have gently let me know when I made a scripture stumble, by misusing or misapplying. Sometimes, I had general information wrong, such as the time I mistakenly said morning glories have tendrils. A kindhearted horticulturist from Huntsville sent an email. We are friends to this day. I’ve grown because of the knowledge many of you shared with me.
           I also treasure those of you who introduced yourselves in aisles of stores or in restaurants. A few of you, when I pushed my cart by, got that I-know-her look on your faces. When you braved asking who I was, you gave me hugs, handshakes, and personal thank yous for the columns. You were wonderful, and your enthusiasm and appreciation kept me writing.
            I apologize for any preachiness, poor writing, and hurried writing of columns. I’ve done all three at times. When I began this column, my mission was to help readers love God because he first loved us. By faith, I knew that God could multiply any seeds of information about him. I trusted God to take the messages and use them any way he wanted. Readers, you have mailed them to prisoners, relatives, and even government officials. You told me you have them on your refrigerators and tucked in your Bibles. Aren’t you wonderful to receive and to pass on messages about God?
            “Goodbye” comes from the 1570’s word “godbwye,” a contraction of “God be with ye.” Today, I reach back several hundred years and borrow that sentiment: May God bless your journey. May God carry out the plans he has for you. May God be with you.
                  Hunger for Humility (Week 52): “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

A Story with a Good Ending

A homeless man pictured on the cover of a book looks skyward as snow drifts down. He looks as if he’s hoping for a better day. The title of the book is “Unexpected Christmas Hero” by Kathi Macias. I downloaded the book onto my Kindle reader, and since the book contained a fictional work, I assumed that the cover featured a model for the photo, but that’s when I heard more about the cover.

            A photographer, who currently works with Christian publisher New Hope’s cover design team, found a homeless man in Ashville, North Carolina and asked if he would allow him to take pictures of him for possible use on a book cover. The homeless man Willard Parker agreed. As the photographer Michael Lê and his wife Christine took pictures, Mr. Parker told some of his story.

            He has acute leukemia and is not in good health. He lost his home and eventually ended up homeless. On the streets, his constant search is for a place to pillow his head at night and looking for food to eat. He lost touch with his two daughters and grandchildren, and later told someone, "When I had my picture taken for the book cover, all I wanted was for it to help me get back with my family. It worked, and I'm really grateful." He signed a release for the company to use his photo, and when the author heard the story, she wanted to assist him in reuniting with his family and set up a financial fund to help with travel expenses.

            “Unexpected Christmas Hero” released in mid-October, and a copy eventually fell into the hands of someone who knew one of Willard Parker’s daughters, 26-year-old Amber. Looking online, she found the book cover and wept. It was her daddy.

            However, she didn’t know how to contact him or where to find him. Mr. Parker’s ex-wife was driving near Ashville one day, spotted Willard Parker, and picked him up. Since then he has spoken to both his daughters by phone, Amber and Rebecca, but they haven’t had the miracle of a reunion. Mr. Parker is presently in Toledo, Ohio, according to Christian News Service.

            Author Kathi Macias and I have corresponded about Mr. Parker. From her, I found that Michael Lê and his wife Christine treated Mr. Parker with respect and as an equal during and after the photo session. Their respect helps introduce the eighteenth rule of humble living written by Jeremy Taylor (1613-1667). In the language of his day, Taylor wrote, “Upbraid no man’s weakness to him to discomfort him, neither report it to disparage him, neither delight to remember it to lessen him or to set thyself above him.”

            The respect involved in reuniting Mr. Parker with his family warms me all the way down to my tiptoes. I found out from the photographer that he was about to give up hunting for an appropriate subject for the book cover when his wife felt strongly that they should drive to a specific part of town. That’s where they discovered Mr. Parker.

            All involved felt that God put them on a specific path, so he could reunite a father with his children and grandchildren. God remains faithful in his work today as he breaches gaps in families and capably reunites sons and daughters to himself. After all, isn’t that what Wonderful, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace came to do.

            In the next two weeks, we’ll wrap up this series on humble living. I continue to pray that the words of God and suggestions of Jeremy Taylor have caused you to consider how you might further embrace humility in the context of your life.

            May God continue to bless the Parker family as they find their way back to each other.

            Hunger for Humility (Week 50): “Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others" I Corinthians 10:24”

            Cathy Messecar welcomes comments at writecat@consolidated.net

Thanksgiving in Tough TImes

"It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels," said Augustine.

            Readers, although not planned, we arrived simultaneously at Thanksgiving and rule seventeen of Jeremy Taylor’s (1613-1667) about gratitude. He defines how appreciation helps us live humbly: “Give God thanks for every weakness, deformity, and imperfection, and accept as a favoured grace of God, an instrument to resist pride, and nurse humility.” He goes on to say a man who has a crooked back has opportunity to stoop low in spirit. Those who suffer physical maladies often find themselves looking to God for help.

            I find it difficult to thank God for trouble, even though I know that hardships can shape me into a better person – if I allow it to do so. I’m thankful that God allowed the Apostle Paul to share in the Bible about his “thorn in the flesh,” a physical limitation that Paul had. Even after a request for healing, God said no to him because the weakness would become a facilitator to strength.
            Hear what the Apostle Paul said about his chronic condition. Whatever it was, he prayed three times for healing. However, God’s return answer was, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So, Paul said, “I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Taylor most likely had Paul’s experience in mind when he suggested that giving thanks for difficult circumstances could bring about unexpected blessings, most certainly internally and often externally.
            A friend once reminded me that if everything remained perfect in our lives, we could more easily be tempted to make it on our own. That’s impossible for as Luke the writer of Acts quotes, we “live and move and have our very being” in God (17:26).
            Surely, we should fully rely on God through good times and bad, but the bad times force us into the reality that we don’t take our next breath without God granting it. Often troubles arrive larger than our pocket books, our common sense, or our abilities to solve. Those difficult circumstances can cause a broader reliance on God.
            I remember something Joni Eareckson Tada wrote about her arrival in heaven someday. You may recall that she broke her neck in an accident and has been a paraplegic for decades. Her ministry to the suffering multiplied more than one-thousand fold because of her permanent injury and her willingness to praise God and embrace her new limited life.
            She said that her life on earth of being wheelchair bound has been involuntary. No one gave her a choice, or asked if she chose to be paralyzed for the remainder of her life. In heaven, her new eternal body will give her the freedom to move again. She doesn’t plan to jump, run, or shout, but she hopes voluntarily to remain before the Lord, not moving, stillness in worship of God because she chooses to worship him and he always chooses the best path for us.
            Giving thanks for tough circumstances. Yes. It’s possible. We have great advice in Jeremy Taylor’s writings, and proof that it’s possible in the Apostle Paul’s life. Joni Tada has shown bravery and courage trapped in her withered body. Many others have done the same.
            For what will you give thanks? Certainly for the good, and consider thanking God for the awful things, too. Ronnie Milsap has grown to call his lifelong blindness “an inconvenience.” I think the Apostle Paul would agree that God in the middle of any trouble makes all the difference in a life. Humility in the middle of trouble, thanksgiving in tough times, can make mere men seem as angels.
            Happy Thanksgiving.
            Hunger for Humility (Week 48): “When times are good be happy; but when times are bad, consider God has made the one as well as the other” (Ecclesiastes 7:14)              

"We're all bright in spots"

When Francis was a child, she made a comment about a special needs child. Overhearing her conversation, her dad told her not to look down upon anyone whose life or circumstances caused them personal pain. However, for her preacher dad, the verbal teaching wasn’t enough. He put legs on his lesson.

            He told his daughter that he wanted her to go for a ride with him. On the road, he told her about his childhood friend, a girl, who made a habit of making fun of others. Soon, they arrived at the “girl’s” home, who was now an adult with a family of her own. The minister knocked on the door, and his friend from childhood was delighted to see him. It seems he made regular visits to encourage this caregiving mom. After going inside, the minister introduced his daughter Francis and asked about the wellbeing of the woman’s family.

            He specifically asked about a daughter named Teresa. The mother replied that all was well, and continued, “Teresa’s about the same. Do you want to say hello?”

            The minister replied yes and led little Francis into a room where twenty-one-year-old Teresa lay in a bed – her body held captive by her mind, not advanced beyond that of a two-year-old child.

            Recently, the grandmother-aged Francis related the story to me saying, “I’ve never forgotten the power of that experience.” If her dad had only verbally chastised her for making fun of someone, the instructions might have faded, but he wanted to teach a lasting lesson and he succeeded.

            This week’s humility lesson, based on Jeremy Taylor’s rule thirteen encourages believers to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).  Taylor’s  (1613-1667) rule thirteen in the language of his day: “Suffer others to be praised in thy presence, and entertain their good and glory with delight; but at no hand disparage them, or lessen the report, or make an objection; and think not the advancement of thy brother is a lessening of thy worth.”

            Let’s say that in Texanese: Make a habit of praising others, not finding fault. Don’t subtract from that praise by pointing out some fault of the person’s being. When you hear a good report about someone else, don’t think poorly of yourself because you don’t have similar or equal gifts or honors.

            I first discovered Taylor’s rules in Randy Harris’ book, “Soul Work: Confessions of a Part-Time Monk.” Harris furthers understanding of rule thirteen saying, “If we have a moment of deep and sudden honesty. . . Taylor catches us here.” He continues, “We all have had a moment when we heard about somebody’s failure and everything in you said, ‘Yes!’” Harris further says, “Or we’ve had a moment when we heard about somebody’s success and everything in us says, ‘Too bad.’”

            For me, the rule indicates looking for a genuine quality in a person and encouraging them by noticing their gift. Too many people live in a negative atmosphere. Awful things happen to moral people. Our minds accuse us of missteps. Haughty people delight in pointing out the faults of others. Family members point out mistakes and rarely overlook minor offenses. People sorely lack someone who will step up and extend a gentle kindness or congratulate them on an accomplishment.

            After all, everyone has disabilities. We’re all flawed. No one is perfect. Our inadequacies could have crippled us for life, but most of us by the grace of God had good souls come along and nurture our graces. I spent a few days working with Francis, and I saw in her a resolute spirit of encouraging others to make good choices. Francis is a tough-love woman with an endearing, fun-loving spirit.

            This week, as we all work toward becoming more humble people, look for the good you see in others, and choose to praise them. You may have to look a long time at the worse among us, but you’ll find something to praise. As my husband, David, fondly says, “We’re all bright in spots.”

            Hunger for Humility (week 33): “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” (Titus 3:2 ESV)

            Cathy Messecar welcomes comments here or at www.cathymessecar.com       

If You are Slighted...

Our friend, the late Frank Green, and my husband and I went to a Houston truck show. We found out right away, that Frank didn’t dawdle. He would briefly look at the newest chrome gadgets, tire gauges, and Cheetah bead setters (ask a tire man) and then he would shoo us to next display by saying, “And moving right along.”

            That’s what we’re doing in this column today, we’re “moving right along” to Jeremy Taylor’s rule number eleven for attaining humility. If you’re a regular reader, you know that I’ve devoted the fifty-two columns for 2012 to the subject of humble living. We’re loosely using nineteen rules written by Taylor (1613-1667).  So far, we’ve considered seven of them.

            We’re skipping numbers eight, nine, and ten because they’re repetitive. They give suggestions for keeping a good name, accepting praise, and avoiding power play in conversations. We have discussed those when we looked at the first seven rules. Today, we consider number eleven in the language of Taylor’s day:

            “Make no suppletories to thyself, when thou art disgraced or slighted, by pleasing thyself with supposing thou didest deserve praise, though they understood thee not, or enviously detracted from thee.” The rest of Taylor’s “thee” and “thou” rule states: “[N]either do thou get to thyself a private theatre and flatterers, in whose vain noises and fantastie praises thou mayest keep up thine own good opinion of thyself.”

               You are a bright reading audience and don’t need that explained, but I have article space that needs filling, so here’s the gist. Do not get huffy when others slight you because each of us has slighted others, too. We’ve all experienced times when people talked down to us or shunned our company because they think themselves better, and we’ve done it too. Some folks think they have colossal gray matter and treat supposed pea-brained people disrespectfully.

               It happens. Don’t take offense. Err on the side of grace. So-called pea-brains can experience personal growth if they don’t climb into the arena to spar or gather their posse for a “praise me” session. I know it’s difficult to remain open-minded during a snub or slight. If someone talks down to me, I want to tattletale to my husband. I want an affirmative pat or hug to bandage my bruised ego. I want to lick my wound.

               These wounds and slights can occur between family, acquaintances, or strangers. In interchanges between strangers, no intimate knowledge of the other person exists. The crux of that problem is that neither party knows if the other is having a bad day or a bad life. I have come to the belief that we rarely make fair judgments of others. In fact, when people complain to me about things, I’ve learned to acknowledge their pain and say, “It’s difficult.” But at some time in the conversation, I express that it’s up to God to sort the good, the bad, and the ugly. One scripture reminds me that only God knows every iota of our existence. “[God] knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14). God knows frail when he sees it, and he sees plenty of it in me.  

               God remains the only one who can accurately judge. He alone knows our lovely or horrific upbringings, our failures, our triumphs, our poverties, our privileges, or our handicaps or abilities. He knows the silt and sand that makes up our hearts.

               When a person is slighted, the main thing restraint on their part does is to deliver time for contemplation. If that person does not tattle or seek favor from those closest to them, the incident most likely stays in their mind for a while, but it can turn into teachable moments when God can guide the person to self-contemplation. This week if you’re bumped from the bench of high-and-mighty by someone who is holier-than-thou, take a good look inside your own heart. Ask God for revelation into the depths of your attitudes toward others.

               May Holy God assist us as we “move right along” the path to humility as we recognize that he created all of us in his image to act in his name to carry out his innate goodness. 

               Hunger for Humility (27): “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

             

Do You Recycle Compliments?

“I can live two months on a good compliment,” said Mark Twain.

            When very young and I received a compliment, I’d blush to the roots of my natural blond hair. However, I now see that compliments need to move on – not held in store so I can feast upon my supposed “greatness.” Read further to find how compliments should move on.

            As you know, we’re working our way through Jeremy Taylor’s (1613-1667) nineteen rules for humility in this year’s columns. We’re now on the seventh which states in the language of his day: “When thou hast said or done anything for which thou receivest praise or estimation, take it indifferently, and return it to God.” He goes on to recommend “reflecting upon [God] as the giver of the gift, or the blesser of the action, or the aid of the design; and give God thanks for making thee an instrument of his glory, for the benefit of others.”

            Couched within the seventh rule, I find Taylor suggesting that compliments move on and recycle back to God. This week, I’ve spent time considering compliments, and I’ve discovered at least three phases of recycling them. First, compliments help us realize our gifts and potential. Early in life, I found that a friend or colleague might recognize a talent or a personal gift of mine, one of which I wasn’t fully aware. Their compliments helped me to recognize the talent and with God’s help to nurture that talent beyond the bud stage.

            As I look back over my life, I remember those who encouraged my writing. I specifically remember a high school English teacher, who asked permission to keep one of my assignments to share in future years with her classes. We were to write an epitaph for one of the fictional characters from the classic literature we’d studied that year. My teacher gave us the option of a one-page epitaph. I chose the book “Silas Marner,” by George Elliot and wrote about the book’s namesake. I received direction from that early praise, but I didn’t know to give it back to God.  

            Second, as we age and learn about humility, that learning doesn’t mean we know to recycle an accolade back to God. I knew in my heart, when someone praised something I’d done, that an expressed admiration didn’t solely belong to me, but I wasn’t making a practice of giving the praise back to God and thanking him. I knew that nothing I did or would ever accomplish came from my efforts alone. I had nothing to do with my birth, body, or makeup—mind, personality, or talents. At this stage, when someone congratulated me on an accomplishment, I’d stammer and mumble something about the Lord’s help, then I’d secretly file the approval, and when life turned sour, I’d drag out the compliment and gnaw on it like an old bone.

            Third, when humility roots and rules, it’s easier to receive compliments. At times, we know that giving God public praise is the thing to do. I love to see public praise on  television when a hero saves someone from tragedy and they choose to give God the praise for their courage or quick thinking.

            A simple “Thank you” will do after receiving a compliment. If a compliment comes from a fellow Jesus follower, they know the gift isn’t yours to claim. The receiving of a compliment becomes less stressful or embarrassing when one can recycle the compliment back to God at the very moment received or at the end of the day during quiet vespers.

            Our Creator assembled each unique person and designed a specific path for each to follow. In our hearts, when we turn praises back into our Father’s keeping, we perform a private act of humility. For everything we are or have comes from God.

            He is the Creator.

            He is the Composer.

            He arranges the music.

            We are instruments.

            Hunger for Humility (21): “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44)

            Comments welcome at www.cathymessecar.com

Don't Finagle Conversations

Right before the tornados hit the Dallas area last week my connecting flight left DFW Airport for Nashville, Tennessee. Soon, the winds favorably brought me within the embrace of friends’ arms, John and Beverly. We first met in 2006, and through the convenience of Email, cell phones, Facebook, and blog posts, we’ve kept in touch and become close friends. I spent three nights and days with them while Bev and I worked on a year’s worth of daily devotionals she wrote for cancer patients and family members, and caregivers.

            Later, I listened as Beverly talked with her doctor and described our conversations as “soul searching.” Some of them were. They had to be. You see, Beverly is at the tail end of eight years of fighting abdominal cancer. She’s endured five surgeries and additional stents and ports implanted. After undergoing three FDA approved chemo treatments and five experimental trials, she hopes her efforts will assist in curing her cancer and aid others.

            Without giving you intimate details, allow me to say that Beverly remains one of the brightest, strongest, and most positive women I know. Her humility and reliance on God astounds me. Her honest airing of her feelings refresh me. A female version of Job, even miserable in her skin, she refuses to say God has cursed her. She continually praises him.

            She has lost her hair numerous times, along with her fingernails, eyebrows, and eyelashes. With poise, she has endured indignities for the sake of future cancer patients -- indeed her willingness may save you or someone you love.

            I gave you the background of our friendship and her struggles to assist in introducing Jeremy Taylor’s (1613-1667) sixth rule for living humbly. In the language of his day, “Never speak anything directly tending to thy praise or glory; that is, with the purpose to be commended.”

            Through Beverly, I know exactly what Mr. Taylor wrote about in rule number six. Oftentimes, an opportunity might arise in conversation to spotlight some good deed she has done. However, Beverly needs no attention – no public applause. The heavenly Father knows all her charitable thoughts and deeds, and he generously rewards all who seek his praise alone. She remains content with God’s praise alone.

            How would it feel to go one week without compliments from others? Would you starve for affirmation? Why isn’t it enough for God alone to know about the times we succeed in charity? Yikes, I shudder to think how often I’ve thrown sparkle dust in a conversation about myself, so others would ask about my current works. In “Soul Work: Confessions of a Part-Time Monk,” Professor Randy Harris writes about power play in language. He says that postmodern theologians and philosophers believe that almost anything we say is an attempt at power play, to get the upper hand. He says he will not go that far in his assessment of our conversations. However, he does believe this, “We manipulate people and conversations to come out in a way that is agreeable to us.” Some examples are times that people ask us difficult questions: we answer how we want to, and avoid a direct answer or indictment of ourselves.

            Harris goes on to say, “We manipulate conversations to stroke our egos.” Have you ever tried to move a conversation into an area of your expertise? Alternatively, another example, if you receive a compliment on organizational skills, do you point to a messy area showing the messy flipside of your life? Then the complimentary person feels compelled to build you up by lavishing more kudos on your managerial skills? When receiving a compliment, it’s best to simply say, “Thank you,” and let the compliment float away. At home and in business, it’s sometimes necessary to communicate what we do, but always check your motives, don’t let praise from others be the design of your heart. It’s no wonder that so many Bible scriptures advise “silence.” Jesus reminds those who had ulterior motives, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Matthew 12:34).

            My friend Beverly writes about her cancer journey at “John’s Wife,” (Blogspot), not for compliments or applause, instead she writes to help others grace their own turbulent storms. This week pay attention to your conversations. Listen a lot, that alone guarantees less language faux pas.

            Hunger for Humility (15): “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak” (James 1:19).

            Comments welcomeher or at www.cathymessecar.com