Helpful Apologies

Jeremy Taylor, writing from several centuries back, states the sixteenth rule for humble living (out of nineteen), “Be not always ready to excuse every oversight, or indiscretion, or ill action, but if thou beest guilty of it confess it plainly.” To beest humble, one must beest ready to apologize.
            When I’m queen, all citizens will be required to take a class on humble living, at least one whole week, students will practice making apologies. A true apology comes from a contrite heart when the person realizes that a personal mistake or selfishness caused another to suffer.
            This past year, a company charged us double for an annual insurance premium. Fortunately, our bank account had enough to cover the insurance company’s mistake. By the time I discovered the error it was closing time on Friday, and the company employee said she would look into it the next business day. I may have imagined the disbelief in her voice, but it seemed she doubted that they would make such a mistake.
            On Monday morning, the representative phoned me to say they had double billed us. As we closed out our conversation, I thanked her for solving the issue. She replied, “No problem.” I realize that “No problem,” has become a phrase that can mean, “I’m happy to take care of this for you.” However, when a person is troubled in the least or double billed several thousands, a more appropriate admission of guilt keeps customers happy, “I’m sorry we double billed you. We do appreciate your business.”

            I bring this topic up because often the phrase “no problem” has filled in where an apology would be more appropriate. After a customer has struggled with righting a billing issue, the last thing I imagine they want to hear in the same sentence are the words “no” and “problem.” Businesses would do well to train their personnel in making sincere apologies.

            Most apologies come from humble people, who have consciences, and who have made a practice of saying, “I’m sorry.” However, some find confessing a wrong difficult. While others, will only admit a wrong when caught or confronted. We’re also good at vague apologies, “I’m sorry for what happened.” Instead, a noble apology will admit fault and seek forgiveness, “I had no right to call you names. Please forgive me.” Mignon McLaughlin said, “True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive.”
            When was the last time you admitted a wrong aloud? Take a minute to ponder that. We commit infractions almost daily, and they often harm someone. In the heat of a moment, we verbally wound husband, wife, child, or close friend. We cast rude or impatient glances. We become exasperated and impatient and it shows in our behavior.  

            Another kind of apology is the one that has a “but” in the middle. “I’m sorry, but my alarm didn’t go off and that’s why I’m late.” As one person said, “Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
               This week, act upon your pledge to live a humble life. Apologize when you’re wrong. Be sincere. Ask for forgiveness. Leave out the “but.” To better your life and your family’s lives, remember what Lynn Johnston says, “An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.”
            Hunger for Humility (Week 46): “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)

I'm sorry

Two acquaintances apologized to me for words they had misspoken. Do you know how I felt about those two women after their apologies? I labeled them courageous and obedient. Their “word” infractions were what I would categorize as minor, and yet, they saw the need to make corrections. Their consciences indicted them and they immediately made sure to ask me to strike their words from my memory. One woman was 88 and apologized by phone, and the other woman was also a senior citizen and apologized in person.  

            During the writing of this series of newspaper articles on humility, a collection of 52 by the end of 2012, I am seeing and hearing many acts of humility. I recognize them more readily now. The Lord has also pried open my eyes to my own prideful ways: when I speak, what I assume about people, and my response in hostile or sensitive situations. With his holy help, I’m learning that my pride often keeps me from immediately asking one I’ve offended for forgiveness. I long to obey the minute God nudges me and reminds me of my sin.

            I’ve learned that an apology is most effective when I also confess my specific sin: “I’m sorry I snapped at you. My response to you was wrong.” Pride keeps one from saying, “I shouldn’t have behaved like that. Forgive me, please?”—words that bring us back into relationship with God and man. I can imagine the more mature Adam and Eve, kneeling, faces upturned to God, shedding tears and saying, “We’re sorry.” Perhaps Sarah later told God, “I’m sorry for ignoring your promise and trying to fix our infertility through an Egyptian maiden.” If one is in tune with the humility of God, whenever realization of sin takes place, confession, repentance, and seeking forgiveness also happens.

            Working on spiritual disciplines remains difficult, no easier than crawling out of a warm bed on a cold morning to exercise the body. A lazy Christian easily drifts in life, hops on an inner tube of passivity, and floats along without purposefully training his or her heart to stay in tune with God’s Spirit. Our ancient brother Paul struggled with the same temptations we do, but he took a proactive approach to outwit sin. The Amplified Version and The Message say in 1 Corinthians 9:27:

But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit].

I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.

           

            In my home congregation, our 2012 congregational theme is Philippians 4:8-9. There, Paul further instructs his fellow disciples in a personal disciplining method by thinking excellent and praiseworthy thoughts: whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is admirable.

            When God nudges you, reminding of a wrongdoing, learn to say, “I’m sorry. Forgive me, please.” It is a humble and truthful thing to say. It is a noble thing to say. It is right to say. It is a pure way of expressing regret and asking for forgiveness.

            It is lovely.

            It is admirable.

            Hunger for Humility (9): “[Jesus] must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30).